Over the past two decades, as an academic advisor, I’ve worked with thousands of middle school, high school and college students. I’ve seen what separates those who struggle from those who thrive. It’s not an IQ score, GPA, or even college acceptances to prestigious universities.
The real predictor? Executive functioning skills, a set of cognitive skills that help us concentrate, organize, and manage emotions. When you learn these skills early on, you’ll be better at handling responsibilities and forming meaningful connections.
Prioritizing grades, test scores, and college admissions as the main measures of success often undermines young people’s futures and strains parent-child relationships. But when you provide kids with structure and support, they can thrive beyond school.
Here are five ways to start.
1. Help them build systems that work
Many students struggle with managing assignments, tracking deadlines, and organizing materials. This can cause unnecessary stress and overwhelm.
I encourage students to self-assess their skills in planning and adapting when plans change. The goal is to find a system that best fits them.
For example, many students work best with paper planners, while others may prefer digital calendars. Some might prefer visual color-coding, and others might need notifications and alarms as reminders.
A quick way to check the effectiveness of the systems you’ve established together is to ask your child if they can find a document or file they need in under one minute. If they are struggling to locate it, talk about what you can do to make their systems work better for them.
2. Provide proactive structure and support
Today’s demands — balancing school, activities, family, and information overload — often exceed where our kids’ brains are developmentally.
Establishing simple daily habits and weekly routines helps kids build independence in problem-solving and self-regulation. For example, setting aside time to plan the week and review upcoming events creates the space to manage tasks alongside other commitments.
Sometimes, kids just need the accountability of someone nearby to motivate them to start or finish tough tasks.
3. Focus on solutions
It’s easy to get frustrated by a child’s perceived lack of organization or motivation, but what we often call “procrastination” is actually task avoidance — a task initiation issue, not a motivation problem.
Rather than nagging or framing missteps as failures, create initiation rituals that cue the brain to shift into work mode. Steps like clearing a workspace together or writing down all pressing tasks can make the first step ridiculously small and naturally build momentum.
The key is to find fun and manageable ways to make the brain transition from thinking about work to actually doing the work.
4. Prioritize sleep and stress management
Everyone’s ability to start and complete tasks is severely impacted when they are tired or feel stressed. Emotional regulation suffers, too.
Research shows that teenagers need eight to 10 hours of sleep per night for healthy brain and body development, and these are also critical for our executive functions.
For stress management, I encourage kids to create an “emotional toolkit” by identifying three to five ways they can navigate stress. Tweens and teens often choose listening to music, drawing, playing outdoors, spending time with a family pet or taking a bath.
5. Model adaptability and buoyancy in your own life
There’s often a focus on resilience, or the the ability to bounce back from disappointments and challenges, especially during times of transition or change.
I encourage my students to think about a related concept: buoyancy. This means reducing the time and energy it takes to process disappointment by learning to adapt when things don’t go as planned.
Unfortunately, many adults struggle with this skill. Yet I’ve found that children benefit from seeing their parents model adaptability, in order to develop it themselves. This underscores a crucial point: one of the best ways for children to develop executive functioning skills is by watching their parents and caregivers consistently model those same skills.
Kids are watching how we handle stress, manage our time and adapt when plans change. Make sure you’re showing them what success actually looks like.
Ana Homayoun is an academic advisor and founder of Green Ivy Educational Consulting, a Silicon Valley based firm supporting students and families. She also founded Luminaria Learning Solutions, a non-profit initiative bringing executive functioning skills curriculum into schools. She is the author of “Erasing the Finish Line: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades and College Admissions.” Follow her on Instagram.
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