Five years ago, Carly Valancy challenged herself to contact 100 new people in 100 days, inspired by the book “Reach Out” by Molly Beck.
The challenge brought her “incredible opportunities” in her career, from new jobs to mentor relationships, says Valancy, the co-founder of growth consultancy Momentum Growth.
Valancy, 30, is repeating the 100-day challenge this year and sharing her skills through her networking strategy collective Reach Out Party.
Her goal is to make the process of building new connections less intimidating, she says.
“Reaching out has such a compounding effect, and the more that you do it, the better that you get at communicating who you are and what you want,” she says.
Here’s Valancy’s best advice on what to say when you reach out to someone new.
What to include in your message
Valancy’s overarching rule is that each networking message must be “specific, generous and honest.”
To qualify as specific, “it has to be a message that only you could send, and only they could receive,” she says. It’s crucial to demonstrate that you’re “paying attention to the work that they’re doing.”
A generous message includes what Valancy calls a “gift.”
“This could be anything from a specific compliment to a book recommendation, or maybe some way that you could help that person in their career or a connection you could make,” she says. “Think of it as, ‘How can I show up in service of their work instead of mine?'”
Finally, “honesty really resonates,” Valancy says, “whether that’s sharing your fears around [reaching out] or sharing where you are really at in this moment in your life.”
“Those things can be really, really powerful to creating a meaningful connection,” she says.
How to ask ‘without shame’
Above all, make sure your message has an explicit purpose, Valancy says.
When Valancy reaches out to potential clients for her consulting business, she’s “very clear” that her goal is to find out whether they would be a good fit working together, she says.
Requesting a meeting, introduction or favor from a stranger can feel daunting, but one of Valancy’s closely-held networking principles is to “ask without shame.”
“Early on in my career, I was really reaching out either with no ask at all, or very sheepishly, in a way that’s kind of like, ‘You probably don’t have time for this,'” she says.
With experience, she’s become more confident about openly stating what she wants. Once you’ve taken the leap to reach out to someone, you might as well make the “big scary ask,” she says.
Valancy finds this thought exercise helpful: “If I knew they were going to say yes, wholeheartedly and happily, what would I say?”
Even if you receive a rejection or no response at all, it’s good practice for your next message, Valancy says: “The more that you ask, the more that you can refine and shape what you actually want.”
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