Kids need to feel seen, heard, and believed. That’s why one of the most powerful tools parents can use is validation. When children feel validated, they feel safe. And a sense of safety is the foundation for emotion regulation, communication, and connection.
As a certified child life specialist and licensed therapist, I’ve supported thousands of kids through challenging experiences — medical diagnoses, hospitalizations, grief, trauma, and loss. Again and again, I’ve seen the power of validation.
Any time a child is upset — whether you agree or disagree, whether you understand or don’t — they need to feel like you believe them before they can shift into problem-solving mode. It helps them move out of their feeling brain and into their thinking brain.
Here are my go-to validating statements by age:
0–2 years: ‘I’m right here.’
For infants and toddlers, validation is felt more than heard — through tone, touch, and presence. They need to sense that your presence remains steady even when things are hard.
Saying, “I’m right here,” and staying close shows that you can withstand the difficulty alongside them. It communicates, “I’m not going anywhere. You can rely on me.”
You can also pair your words with a deep breath to regulate your own emotions, offering them the calm presence they need most.
3–5 years: ‘You weren’t ready to leave the park, and that made you upset.’
Preschoolers often communicate more through behavior than words. Naming what you see gives them language they may not yet have.
It’s important to set limits on behavior while still validating the feelings underneath. You might even say, “You threw the toy because you were so frustrated. Can you try a safer way?”
This shows them their emotions are real and understood, while also guiding them toward healthier expression.
6–9 years: ‘It makes sense to feel disappointed.’
School-age kids experience greater depth in their emotions, but they may be unsure if their feelings are valid.
They need caregivers to both name and normalize emotions, affirming that it’s okay, natural, and normal to feel the way they do. This builds self-esteem and confidence in their ability to navigate challenges over time.
10–12 years: ‘You’re allowed to feel disappointed and want to work through it.’
Older school-age children (tweens) can hold more complexity. They might feel upset while also recognizing another perspective.
Validation here means affirming their experience while introducing language for nuance and the possibility of problem-solving. Once their feelings are validated, they often have the capacity to think through what they want to do next and what might make things better or easier for them.
13+ years: ‘That sounds really difficult. I’m glad you told me.’
Teenagers feel validated when there’s space to process emotions without minimization or immediate fixes.
Acknowledging their experience and appreciating their trust reinforces connection and safety while empowering them to sort through things independently.
The safer a teenager feels, the more likely they are to continue opening up about their struggles and seeking support when they need it.
Kelsey Mora is Certified Child Life Specialist and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who provides custom support, guidance, and resources to parents, families, and communities impacted by medical conditions, trauma, grief, and everyday life stress. She is a private practice owner, mom of two, the creator and author of The Method Workbooks, and the Chief Clinical Officer of the nonprofit organization Pickles Group.
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