Most of us never got a formal lesson in how learning works, but we picked up messages about what counts as “smart,” what’s worth knowing, and how we’re supposed to learn.
But there’s a catch to an education built around knowing the right answers: Life doesn’t always come with a clear solution. And when uncertainty shows up, too many kids freeze.
Over the past 15 years as a business school professor, I’ve studied how successful people navigate complex problems when there isn’t a step-by-step guide. What I’ve learned is that the ability to move forward wisely when you don’t know the answer is a very valuable skill — and one we should teach our kids as early as possible.
Teaching your kids to embrace uncertainty
Every summer for the last 12 years, when we go to the beach, I create a themed puzzle hunt for my daughters, niece, and nephew.
You must try several things out to find the non-obvious insight and solve the puzzle. Think Escape Room meets Treasure Hunt. There are few directions, so there is a lot of uncertainty and confusion.
For example, one puzzle might just be a bag of jellybeans, and the kids must figure out how that is a clue that would lead to something else. They might try counting the total number of jellybeans and notice that there are different numbers of different colors. Maybe there are two purples, four blues, three yellows, one green, and so on.
Then they might try to take the second letter of the word “purple” and the fourth letter of the word “blue,” which might uncover a string of letters to unscramble, leading them to look for the next clue.
When they were younger, they’d get frustrated fast: “We’re stuck! Just tell us the answer.” Then they’d eat the jellybeans and call it a day. Now, they stay curious and experiment.
More importantly, they’re learning that being smart isn’t about always having the answer. It’s about staying with the problem, trying different approaches, learning from what doesn’t work, and collaborating with others along the way. That’s the kind of thinking that builds resilience, and it’s exactly what kids will need to tackle life’s big challenges.
When parents embrace uncertainty, the kids will follow
If you want your kids to be comfortable with uncertainty, you must model it yourself:
Don’t dismiss doubt. Let your kids know that it’s okay to not know the answer right away and feel two different ways about something. Praise when they spend effort to figure something out. Doubt is a sign that they are facing something meaningful and need to learn. Help them generate ideas, not just answers. It’s tempting to want to solve problems for your kids, but when we step in too soon, we rob them of the chance to build critical skills. Support them by asking questions about what they could try and what might happen. Model doubt and decision-making. Don’t hide difficult choices of your own. If they are appropriate to share, walk through your thought process with your kids, show them what you’re doing to learn, and demonstrate curiosity instead of panic. Make time for play at any age. Creative expression and imagination are essential training grounds for navigating doubt. Activities like music, visual art, or theater give children a space to express themselves and learn about the effects of their choices in a safe environment. Build healthy habits. A tired brain is a reactive brain. Sleep, nutrition, movement, and strong relationships make it easier to stay calm and think clearly in uncertain situations.
A summer puzzle hunt won’t fix everything. But every time my kids move from “We give up!” to “Let’s try something else,” they’re building mental muscle. Every time they see me navigate uncertainty without falling apart, they’re becoming more resilient by learning how to do it themselves.
Bidhan Parmar, PhD, MBA, is the Shannon G. Smith Bicentennial Professor of Business Administration and Associate Dean for Faculty Development at the Darden School of Business at the University of Virginia. He is a former fellow at the Safra Center for Ethics at Harvard University and was named one of the top 40 business school professors under 40 in the world. Dr. Parmar is the author of “Radical Doubt: Turning Uncertainty into Surefire Success.”
Adapted excerpt from Radical Doubt by BIDHAN L. PARMAR, available now wherever books are sold. Copyright © 2025 BIDHAN L. PARMAR. Printed with permission of the publisher, Diversion Books. All rights reserved.
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