There are various green flags that can show up in a courtship.
Clear and consistent communication is one, Jessica Small, a marriage counselor and therapist in Colorado, previously told CNBC Make It. Respecting boundaries is another.
Conversely, there are red flags it’s worth looking out for when you’re dating to ensure you’re not starting a relationship with someone who could hurt you or make you miserable.
In fact, the No. 1 trait that says it’s time to end things with a partner is “somebody who lacks empathy,” says psychotherapist and author of “13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don’t Do,” Amy Morin.
Here’s why.
‘They might minimize how you feel or dismiss it’
A lack of empathy is often described as callous, cold-hearted, and even narcissistic. A person who exhibits this trait won’t be able to understand or envision how you feel, Morin says. And they might not even care.
“They might minimize how you feel or dismiss it,” she says. They’ll say, “you’re just being dramatic or they’ll tell you that you shouldn’t get so upset about something so minor.”
A partner who lacks empathy will also blame you for how situations unfold. They’ll tell you, for example, “it’s your fault that you feel that way,” says Morin, “or it’s not my fault if you can’t do this because you have too much anxiety.”
People who lack empathy are also very self-centered and a relationship with one can be exhausting and suffocating.
“They’re only thinking about what they want,” Morin says. “they just can’t take into consideration how their behavior affects you or affects anyone else around them.”
A lack of empathy, while uncommon, is a red flag
There are various conditions that could cause this trait in a person, Morin says. For example, people with narcissistic personality disorder have it, as well as some people with autism. Those who suffer from depression might even exhibit it at times.
But a lack of empathy isn’t all that common, Morin says. Regardless, it is a huge red flag. Dating or being in a relationship with someone who behaves this way could result in a lot of pain, anger and frustration.
If you feel like the person you’re with never checks in about your feelings or consistently dismisses your emotions when you raise them, it might be time to leave, Morin says.
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