Wellness leaders and happiness experts alike all hold the same belief about joy and human interaction: Having conversations with the people around you is critical for your wellbeing.
On the podcast “10% Happier with Dan Harris,” the former journalist explores topics like mindfulness and meditation, ambition and burnout. And on a recent episode of Matt Abrahams’ podcast “Think Fast, Talk Smart,” Harris discussed how mindfulness can help transform how we communicate with other human beings.
“We need interaction in order to thrive,” he said in his introduction of the episode.
Some types of conversations can be nerve-wracking — like asking your boss for a raise or giving a presentation to your team.
Harris, who spent years as a news anchor at ABC, has a couple of tips for quelling the anxiety around those and any other types of conversations.
2 tips for communicating effectively—especially when you’re nervous
1. Plan and rehearse what you want to say
Before Harris would go on air as an anchor, he said the No. 1 way he’d calm his anxiety was by planning, practicing and rehearsing what he would say.
“If I knew I had some lines to deliver,” he said, “I would really practice them and rehearse them in advance.”
It’s a habit he recommends to others and communication experts agree with this approach.
“Even if you’re calling a friend you know well or your mom, what we find in our research is that even 30 seconds of forethought will make that conversation go better,” Harvard professor and conversation expert Alison Wood Brooks previously told CNBC Make It.
When you’re talking, don’t recite what you wrote in advance line-by-line, Harris advises. You don’t want to come across as “programmed or robotic,” he said.
But having a big-picture sense of what you want to say ahead of time will help you enter that conversation with confidence.
2. Practice ‘reflective listening’
Harris also recommends using a tactic he calls “reflective listening,” which means “listening very carefully to what’s being said and then giving the summary in your own words,” he said.
It’s a tactic he uses as a podcast host as well. That habit ensures you’re listening closely to what the other person is saying and that you understand the gist of it.
And if you get something wrong, it gives them a chance to correct you.
In a high stakes conversation or in any conversation in which you’re a little bit nervous, reflective listening “will give you the time to let your nervous system settle,” he said. It could help you calm down before you say what you’ve planned.
It will not only prove you’re paying attention, he said, but also let the other party really see how engaged you are in this interaction with them.
“People love to know that they’ve been heard,” Harris said.
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